Torturous Healing
by SamiMarianna
Summary: 'His face was close to mine, his hands were holding my hips and all I could think was, "This isn't right".' Draco/Blaise slash! Sensitive topic - Self harm.


Torturous Healing

I don't even know why I talked to Blaise about it. I should have just kept it to myself. Maybe I shouldn't have done it in the first place. But it was my only way out at the time. Yeah, it's stupid, some would say, but it's my way of knowing there is still blood running through my veins, my way of knowing I'm still alive.

It was about half way through my 6th year when I told him. We were the only two in our common room, late one Saturday night. We had just won a Quidditch game against Hufflepuff (yeah, not the biggest accomplishment but we would jump at any opportunity to have a party) and we had both had a couple of drinks. Blaise was sat on his favourite armchair by the fire just staring into the flames. I watched him for a bit, smiling at how fascinated he was by the flames. I took off my shirt, tossing it at him to wake him from his trance, and sat on the floor by his legs. "Had a good night, Draco?" He asked me, throwing my shirt across the green and silver decorated common room.

I gave a half hearted shrug. "Yeah, was all right, I guess."

Blaise furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at me. "What's up, Dray?" He asked, voice full of concern.

I rested my head against is knees and shook my head. "Nothing, nothing at all." I replied, completely lying yet not entirely trying to cover it up. There was no point, Blaise could read me way too easily.

"Shut up and look at me Draco." He said, and I could practically _hear_ him rolling his eyes. I groaned and twisted my body slightly so I could look up at him. "You do realise we've been friends for-"

"Six and a half years now, yes, I do realise actually." I cut him off with a smirk. Way too predictable, dude. It's so obvious he's going to play the 'we're best friends, you can tell me anything' game. "And, yes, I can trust you with anything, Blaise, I know."

He gave me a soft smile. "Then tell me, you douche!" I shook my head with a grin. "Then I'll have to tickle it out of you." He replied with a small shrug as if it was the most obvious thing in the entire world. I momentarily stiffened with wide eyes; I hated it when he tickled me. Then my brain kicked in and I jumped up and ran across the common room, Blaise laughing as he chased me. Soon I gave up and threw myself onto the three seater sofa. I huddled into a ball, protecting my sides and stomach from Blaise's hands, my body shaking with laughter.

Thankfully, he showed me mercy and sat by my feet. I sat up, panting and laughing. But my grin slowly faded as I looked at him. His eyes were roaming my toned chest and I realised how reckless I had been. There were fresh cuts on my torso and I had been stupid enough to take off my shirt. I stood and moved over to the window, bowing my head. "Draco?" Blaise almost whimpered. "What... What was that?"

I shook my head, refusing to look at him in fear of bursting into tears, something I didn't enjoying doing. "It's... It's nothing." I whispered. I heard him stand and approach me. He grabbed my bicep and turned me around. I kept my gaze on the floor. "Blaise, please. I don't want to talk about it."

He let out a small sigh. "You did that to yourself?" I gave a small nod. "Why?" After I didn't answer, he ran a hand down my chest, gliding over the scars and cuts. I sucked in a breath; his hands were cold but there was something else. It felt... good. I bit my lip to suppress a moan. He ran a hand down my arm and took my hand. He led me back to the sofa and we sat down. Only when he let go of my hand again, did I look at him. When I did, I saw unshed tears in his eyes, threatening to fall. "Tell me why, Draco."

I sighed. "I can't do that mission The Dark Lord set me on. I just can't do it." My voice broke and Blaise pulled me, almost roughly, into his arms and held me close, his hand in my hair. I buried my head in the crook of his neck, biting his shoulder so I didn't make any noise as tears rolled down my cheek. "I'm sorry." I told Blaise, my voice muffled. "I didn't have anyone." I told him. "No one wanted me."

"Draco, you have me." Blaise said, pulling away to look into my eyes. "You've always had me." I stood and went back to the window, watching the clouds drift across the full moon, creating an eerie atmosphere across the Quidditch pitch. I loved to look outside. It was kind of calming, peaceful. Again, Blaise followed me and stood behind me, only this time he was a lot closer. I could feel the heat radiating off his chest on my back. I turned around, chewing on my lower lip.

"Blaise, I-" I started but, actually, I had no idea what to say. He took another step closer to me, pushing me back until I was trapped between him and the window with nowhere to go. His face was close to mine, his hands were holding my hips and all I could think was, _'This isn't right. I need my razor.' _

Blaise cupped my face and whispered in my ear, "I want you, Draco." I opened my mouth to reply but he stopped me with a kiss. A long, deep, passionate kiss. "I will help you, Draco." Blaise told me when he pulled away. "You're going to stop all of this."

I nodded and tugged on his bottom lip with my teeth, begging for more. Just as I reached up to unbutton his shirt, the familiar voice of Theodore Nott, our close friend and room mate, came to us from the stairs, "About bloody time."


End file.
